My 50th birthday is one month from today. First, I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I started this blog and second, I can’t believe all that has happened in the past year.
I knew that turning 50 was going to be a big milestone, more so than 30 or 40, but I never believed I would go through breast cancer and take a trip of a lifetime all in the same year.
It has also been a year of realizations and enlightenment. With everything I’ve been through, I’ve come to know who I can rely on and who I can’t; who are true to their word and those that just blow smoke; who will be there when I need them the most and those who turn their backs. I found an incredible support system in people I had never even met, until recently, and from those that have been with me my entire life.
One other piece of enlightenment happened when I was on my vacation. I found myself being very envious of the people, kids mostly, that were the guides on the excursions. They all had passion for what they did; they really loved what they were doing. You could tell just by looking at them and listening to them talk. I wish I had a passion for something like that. Sometimes I think I maybe too old to find it. I hope not. They say that if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. I guess I’ve been doing a lot of working. 🙂
I’m no where near the end of my life (especially since I just got a clean bill of health from my recent mammogram), but I guess turning 50 has made me become very nostalgic. Watching movies and listening to music from the 70’s and 80’s, realizing how many people I’ve known or admired are no longer alive. After having cancer this year, it has made me aware of my own mortality and just how fast time is going by. I look at pictures of my beautiful nieces and remember when they were both babies and sleeping on my chest. Now one will be 18 and going off to college next year and the other just started high school.
At this point in my life, I don’t see myself getting married and I’m okay with that. Twenty years ago if you told me that by the time I turned 50 I wouldn’t be married with children, I would have been very depressed but now I realize I like my life the way it is. I like spending time with me; doing what I want when I want. This was very prevalent when I was on vacation. I’m not writing off the possibility of meeting someone some day but if it doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world.
So as I enter in the second half of my life (yes I do plan on living for a century 🙂 ) I want to find something that inspires me, something that when I get up in the morning I’m excited to go to or do. That is my goal for the next year and a lofty one it is.